Blood and Numbers - My Blog

Diaversary

Fri, 10 Jun 2016 17:48:54 GMT

What is a Diaversary? It is the anniversary of the date that you were diagnosed with Diabetes. It seems pretty dark, but a lot of people with diabetes celebrate this day. They say that it is about celebrating the fact that you made it this far, that you have overcome and are continuing to overcome many obstacles, the fact that you are still alive.

I am one of those people who will pretty much find any reason to have and/or go to a party (like, if you invite me to your cats birthday party, I would be into that) and yet a “Diaversary” still seems like an odd thing to celebrate. The drug company, Eli Lilly, one of the major manufactures of insulin even has a program where they send you medals/necklaces for your diaversary. It is to celebrate people who have successfully managed diabetes with insulin for 10, 25, 50 and 75 years...

Should I try to get one of these things? I think I might apply! It would look like this:

Though I often reflect on my journey, and think of how terribly my diagnosis was fumbled by every medical institution leading up to and including my hospitalization, I have never actually celebrated this day. I should honestly celebrate the fact that they didn’t kill me in the hospital… I digress, that is a story for another day (but seriously, everyone should always have an advocate in the hospital and never be afraid to contradict the doctor, question authority, make them explain what they are doing and why).

But, today, June 10th is my Diaversary; in fact, it is my 15th Diaversary! And though it is not necessarily a happy day, it is a special day. It is a day that for better or worse changed my life, changed my husbands life and my parents life.

I decided to celebrate this year by launching my latest creative endeavor, one that is quite personal and close to home, my new blog, Blood And Numbers. Though I feel that Diabetes is probably the least interesting thing in my life, it is absolutely the most time consuming. It is also terrifying, frustrating and draining. I have a lot of goals in life and it is astonishing how many of them revolve around my blood and numbers.

I have owned this URL, BloodAndNumbers.com, for more than two years now and I am finally publishing my site! This is both exciting and scary. It makes me feel both vulnerable and strong. On the one hand, I don’t want to spend one more second of the day thinking about my blood and numbers, diabetes, but on the other hand I have noticed that when I lean into the details of my disease, my care and management get better. And when I do it publicly, I want to do better, be a source of inspiration and information for others. After all, this is not a disease you can ignore, or pretend you don’t have. It is a disease of constant vigilance.

So, for now, I am leaning in. I am leaning into my daily struggle with the hopes that it will be less of a struggle in the future. I am eating low carb, I am taking my insulin on time (mostly) and exercising as much as possible while chronicling the ups and downs. I am observing, I am putting in the work and I am going to be doing all kinds of personal therapy through Yoga, nutrition, fitness and art and you are welcome to follow along if you would like.

A word of warning though, it isn’t always pretty. There will definitely be very personal content; I might swear, I might get political and I might get naked, at least partially. I might brag, I might complain and I might have exciting breakthroughs! I will definitely talk about my other autoimmune issues too, from Menieres Disease to Endometriosis. And I will definitely talk about the positive impact Yoga has had on my life. I want this blog to be as frank and honest as it can possibly be; it is the only way for it to do its job, for it to be good, and for it to be useful. If you are looking for sterility, you won’t find it here.

You might read about my ovaries, hormones and period too. There is a possibility that you might read or see something that offends you. And there is also a damn good chance that I will get burned out on this whole thing and binge on tacos and margaritas for a while! #DiabetesBurnOut is real y’all!

Currently, It is my hope that I will inspire others to lean into their diabetes, if even for a short time, to see what they can learn. I also hope to build awareness. You never stop learning with this disease; even our endocrinologists are learning new things all the time. And there can never be too much awareness. Also, I hope to encourage my fellow people with diabetes to do everything they want to do in spite of their diabetes, in spite of their blood and numbers. And finally, I hope to offer some help, outlets and tools to anyone suffering from or dealing with chronic stress and anxiety as a result of their diagnosis.

So, Happy Diaversary to me! I have a new project and I am leaning into it for now! It is going to be educational, therapeutic, really personal and kind of artsy. Enjoy, or not. It is up to you… But I promise, it is all for the greater good!

Friends, Family & Food

Tue, 15 Sep 2015 03:02:04 GMT

I have been working on this site on and off for the better part of a year, but for some reason I have been resisting publishing it. I have been focusing on other blogs and writing, but in the back of my head, I know that this is an important site… And I finally needed it for my sanity.

Just this weekend, my husband and I hosted a BBQ. We cooked out, had a campfire and made s’mores! It was a ton of fun, but one friend felt the need to ask, “Should you be eating that?” I tried not to let it bother me, but it put a damper on my evening for sure and I have been feeling anger for the past two days over that seemingly harmless inquiry. Does she or he think they know better than me? Did they think it was okay to call me out for something I know more about than them? I think people mean well when they say these things, and I think they say these things because they care, but it comes off as really arrogant. My anger was getting to me, and eating at me, so I had to write this post. I love this person with all my heart and I know they are sensitive and I already gave them shit about it, but I had more to get off of my chest, so I wrote the following post for myself and all of the other diabetics who struggle with the ignorance of others. AND for those non-diabetics who want to learn something and avoid ruining the day of a diabetic they care about.

Diabetes: Friends, family and food rant 1.0:
Friends and family, here is a tip...YOU have NO IDEA what goes into taking care of my Type 1 Diabetes. You probably have no idea that it is an autoimmune disease or that insulin is a hormone. You have no idea that "Beta Cells" in the pancreas are responsible for making insulin or that my body kills my beta cells so that I can't make insulin. You have no idea how many units of insulin I need to inject for a given amount of carbs. You probably have no idea how many times I test my blood sugar or give myself insulin each day. You have no idea how many times per year I go to the endocrinologist and the diabetes educator or how much money I spend on testing supplies or insulin. You probably also have no idea that if I make the decision to have a cookie or cake or a s'more that I have probably been looking forward to it very much and planning for it, and that this is a rare and special treat for me. And you probably have no idea that I actually CAN eat whatever the hell I want, if I take the right amount of insulin at the right time. This is indeed the point and purpose of insulin, to manage the carbohydrates you consume. I can get more sicency about that for you in another post.

Now, to be clear, I do eat low carb most of the time. This is a personal choice. It actually makes my life easier. Fewer carbs means taking less insulin which means there is less room for error and accidental death. Not being a math genius makes the the law of low numbers strong with me! Also, fat and protein convert to sugar at a much slower rate than carbohydrates which helps eliminate severe glucose spikes and drops. So, for me, low carb, high fat is the best choice. Other people with diabetes choose other ways of eating and ways of living that work well for them. Everyone needs to take care of themselves in the way that works for them.

Here's the thing, unless I have specifically asked you to help me with the math involved in taking my insulin and the number of carbs I am consuming PLEASE do not ruin the eating of my very special treat by making an uneducated comment about the food I am eating. Here is an example of when it would be okay to comment on my food; if I said, "Hey friend, my blood sugar is currently 115 and it is trending down at about 2mg/dL per minute. I bolused 2 units of Humalog for two open faced s'mores about ten minutes ago (this means I want the s'more badly enough that I am willing to stab a needle in my body to eat it) because each one is about 12 to 15 grams of carbs which equals one carb portions if you are counting carbs. I typically take one unit of insulin for every 13g of carb, so one unit of insulin for each carb portion. Though, I did exercise this morning, so I might be more insulin sensitive than usual, do you think maybe I should have another marshmallow?" If I have given you all of this information and asked your opinion, then this is the ONLY time it is okay to comment on what I eat. Otherwise, mind your own business, you don't know anything. Worry about your own food! Stop watching me eat!

I know you mean well. I know you care about me. But I promise you don't care about my well-being more than I do. Also I doubt you have information that I don't already have about my insulin or carb intake. You are making me feel like a dog that you are reprimanding for eating out of the trash or a child whose candy store impulses need monitoring. I am an adult and I have been managing this disease for 15 years. Your comments make me not want to eat around you. I will now associate food with shame when I am around you because I know you are watching and judging. If you don't know as much about this disease as I do, if you don't know what my blood sugar is at this very second, if you don't know my insulin to carb ratio, if you don't know what my correction bolus is or even what that means, then there is a good chance that not only should you not be concerned with what I am eating but you should especially NOT comment on it! Seriously, it will cause me to seethe with anger for days...

Thank you! The more you know.... <3 <3 <3 :) :) :)

Writing this made me feel so much better. I didn’t post it on Facebook and I didn’t send it to the friend who committed the infraction but I had to get it off of my chest or I would continue to be angry. My new blog, Blood and Numbers will be an outlet for such frustrations and so much more! Feel free to share this link with anyone you think needs to read these words.

I actually don't mind people asking me if I eat something or not, they are generally asking to make sure that there is something available to me to eat... I mind when people ask if I "should" eat something. Certain semantaics imply policing and judgement. Don't be that guy.

I actually don't mind when people ask me what I eat, or what I can eat. Usually they just want to make sure there will be food available to me at an event where eating will be involved. This is obviously kind and nice. It really only bothers me if I am eating something and someone indicates that I "shouldn't" eat it. This meme pretty much sums up how I feel about that, but I would change the wording from "can" to "should."