I have been working on this site on and off for the better part of a year, but for some reason I have been resisting publishing it. I have been focusing on other blogs and writing, but in the back of my head, I know that this is an important site… And I finally needed it for my sanity.
Just this weekend, my husband and I hosted a BBQ. We cooked out, had a campfire and made s’mores! It was a ton of fun, but one friend felt the need to ask, “Should you be eating that?” I tried not to let it bother me, but it put a damper on my evening for sure and I have been feeling anger for the past two days over that seemingly harmless inquiry. Does she or he think they know better than me? Did they think it was okay to call me out for something I know more about than them? I think people mean well when they say these things, and I think they say these things because they care, but it comes off as really arrogant. My anger was getting to me, and eating at me, so I had to write this post. I love this person with all my heart and I know they are sensitive and I already gave them shit about it, but I had more to get off of my chest, so I wrote the following post for myself and all of the other diabetics who struggle with the ignorance of others. AND for those non-diabetics who want to learn something and avoid ruining the day of a diabetic they care about.
Diabetes: Friends, family and food rant 1.0:
Friends and family, here is a tip...YOU have NO IDEA what goes into taking care of my Type 1 Diabetes. You probably have no idea that it is an autoimmune disease or that insulin is a hormone. You have no idea that "Beta Cells" in the pancreas are responsible for making insulin or that my body kills my beta cells so that I can't make insulin. You have no idea how many units of insulin I need to inject for a given amount of carbs. You probably have no idea how many times I test my blood sugar or give myself insulin each day. You have no idea how many times per year I go to the endocrinologist and the diabetes educator or how much money I spend on testing supplies or insulin. You probably also have no idea that if I make the decision to have a cookie or cake or a s'more that I have probably been looking forward to it very much and planning for it, and that this is a rare and special treat for me. And you probably have no idea that I actually CAN eat whatever the hell I want, if I take the right amount of insulin at the right time. This is indeed the point and purpose of insulin, to manage the carbohydrates you consume. I can get more sicency about that for you in another post.
Now, to be clear, I do eat low carb most of the time. This is a personal choice. It actually makes my life easier. Fewer carbs means taking less insulin which means there is less room for error and accidental death. Not being a math genius makes the the law of low numbers strong with me! Also, fat and protein convert to sugar at a much slower rate than carbohydrates which helps eliminate severe glucose spikes and drops. So, for me, low carb, high fat is the best choice. Other people with diabetes choose other ways of eating and ways of living that work well for them. Everyone needs to take care of themselves in the way that works for them.
Here's the thing, unless I have specifically asked you to help me with the math involved in taking my insulin and the number of carbs I am consuming PLEASE do not ruin the eating of my very special treat by making an uneducated comment about the food I am eating. Here is an example of when it would be okay to comment on my food; if I said, "Hey friend, my blood sugar is currently 115 and it is trending down at about 2mg/dL per minute. I bolused 2 units of Humalog for two open faced s'mores about ten minutes ago (this means I want the s'more badly enough that I am willing to stab a needle in my body to eat it) because each one is about 12 to 15 grams of carbs which equals one carb portions if you are counting carbs. I typically take one unit of insulin for every 13g of carb, so one unit of insulin for each carb portion. Though, I did exercise this morning, so I might be more insulin sensitive than usual, do you think maybe I should have another marshmallow?" If I have given you all of this information and asked your opinion, then this is the ONLY time it is okay to comment on what I eat. Otherwise, mind your own business, you don't know anything. Worry about your own food! Stop watching me eat!
I know you mean well. I know you care about me. But I promise you don't care about my well-being more than I do. Also I doubt you have information that I don't already have about my insulin or carb intake. You are making me feel like a dog that you are reprimanding for eating out of the trash or a child whose candy store impulses need monitoring. I am an adult and I have been managing this disease for 15 years. Your comments make me not want to eat around you. I will now associate food with shame when I am around you because I know you are watching and judging. If you don't know as much about this disease as I do, if you don't know what my blood sugar is at this very second, if you don't know my insulin to carb ratio, if you don't know what my correction bolus is or even what that means, then there is a good chance that not only should you not be concerned with what I am eating but you should especially NOT comment on it! Seriously, it will cause me to seethe with anger for days...
Thank you! The more you know.... <3 <3 <3 :) :) :)
Writing this made me feel so much better. I didn’t post it on Facebook and I didn’t send it to the friend who committed the infraction but I had to get it off of my chest or I would continue to be angry. My new blog, Blood and Numbers will be an outlet for such frustrations and so much more! Feel free to share this link with anyone you think needs to read these words.
I actually don't mind people asking me if I eat something or not, they are generally asking to make sure that there is something available to me to eat... I mind when people ask if I "should" eat something. Certain semantaics imply policing and judgement. Don't be that guy.
I actually don't mind when people ask me what I eat, or what I can eat. Usually they just want to make sure there will be food available to me at an event where eating will be involved. This is obviously kind and nice. It really only bothers me if I am eating something and someone indicates that I "shouldn't" eat it. This meme pretty much sums up how I feel about that, but I would change the wording from "can" to "should."
Just this weekend, my husband and I hosted a BBQ. We cooked out, had a campfire and made s’mores! It was a ton of fun, but one friend felt the need to ask, “Should you be eating that?” I tried not to let it bother me, but it put a damper on my evening for sure and I have been feeling anger for the past two days over that seemingly harmless inquiry. Does she or he think they know better than me? Did they think it was okay to call me out for something I know more about than them? I think people mean well when they say these things, and I think they say these things because they care, but it comes off as really arrogant. My anger was getting to me, and eating at me, so I had to write this post. I love this person with all my heart and I know they are sensitive and I already gave them shit about it, but I had more to get off of my chest, so I wrote the following post for myself and all of the other diabetics who struggle with the ignorance of others. AND for those non-diabetics who want to learn something and avoid ruining the day of a diabetic they care about.
Diabetes: Friends, family and food rant 1.0:
Friends and family, here is a tip...YOU have NO IDEA what goes into taking care of my Type 1 Diabetes. You probably have no idea that it is an autoimmune disease or that insulin is a hormone. You have no idea that "Beta Cells" in the pancreas are responsible for making insulin or that my body kills my beta cells so that I can't make insulin. You have no idea how many units of insulin I need to inject for a given amount of carbs. You probably have no idea how many times I test my blood sugar or give myself insulin each day. You have no idea how many times per year I go to the endocrinologist and the diabetes educator or how much money I spend on testing supplies or insulin. You probably also have no idea that if I make the decision to have a cookie or cake or a s'more that I have probably been looking forward to it very much and planning for it, and that this is a rare and special treat for me. And you probably have no idea that I actually CAN eat whatever the hell I want, if I take the right amount of insulin at the right time. This is indeed the point and purpose of insulin, to manage the carbohydrates you consume. I can get more sicency about that for you in another post.
Now, to be clear, I do eat low carb most of the time. This is a personal choice. It actually makes my life easier. Fewer carbs means taking less insulin which means there is less room for error and accidental death. Not being a math genius makes the the law of low numbers strong with me! Also, fat and protein convert to sugar at a much slower rate than carbohydrates which helps eliminate severe glucose spikes and drops. So, for me, low carb, high fat is the best choice. Other people with diabetes choose other ways of eating and ways of living that work well for them. Everyone needs to take care of themselves in the way that works for them.
Here's the thing, unless I have specifically asked you to help me with the math involved in taking my insulin and the number of carbs I am consuming PLEASE do not ruin the eating of my very special treat by making an uneducated comment about the food I am eating. Here is an example of when it would be okay to comment on my food; if I said, "Hey friend, my blood sugar is currently 115 and it is trending down at about 2mg/dL per minute. I bolused 2 units of Humalog for two open faced s'mores about ten minutes ago (this means I want the s'more badly enough that I am willing to stab a needle in my body to eat it) because each one is about 12 to 15 grams of carbs which equals one carb portions if you are counting carbs. I typically take one unit of insulin for every 13g of carb, so one unit of insulin for each carb portion. Though, I did exercise this morning, so I might be more insulin sensitive than usual, do you think maybe I should have another marshmallow?" If I have given you all of this information and asked your opinion, then this is the ONLY time it is okay to comment on what I eat. Otherwise, mind your own business, you don't know anything. Worry about your own food! Stop watching me eat!
I know you mean well. I know you care about me. But I promise you don't care about my well-being more than I do. Also I doubt you have information that I don't already have about my insulin or carb intake. You are making me feel like a dog that you are reprimanding for eating out of the trash or a child whose candy store impulses need monitoring. I am an adult and I have been managing this disease for 15 years. Your comments make me not want to eat around you. I will now associate food with shame when I am around you because I know you are watching and judging. If you don't know as much about this disease as I do, if you don't know what my blood sugar is at this very second, if you don't know my insulin to carb ratio, if you don't know what my correction bolus is or even what that means, then there is a good chance that not only should you not be concerned with what I am eating but you should especially NOT comment on it! Seriously, it will cause me to seethe with anger for days...
Thank you! The more you know.... <3 <3 <3 :) :) :)
Writing this made me feel so much better. I didn’t post it on Facebook and I didn’t send it to the friend who committed the infraction but I had to get it off of my chest or I would continue to be angry. My new blog, Blood and Numbers will be an outlet for such frustrations and so much more! Feel free to share this link with anyone you think needs to read these words.
I actually don't mind people asking me if I eat something or not, they are generally asking to make sure that there is something available to me to eat... I mind when people ask if I "should" eat something. Certain semantaics imply policing and judgement. Don't be that guy.
I actually don't mind when people ask me what I eat, or what I can eat. Usually they just want to make sure there will be food available to me at an event where eating will be involved. This is obviously kind and nice. It really only bothers me if I am eating something and someone indicates that I "shouldn't" eat it. This meme pretty much sums up how I feel about that, but I would change the wording from "can" to "should."